I've had a Crystalite Double Forte kit for over 33 years, and spent many years on the road dealing with this problem. Before renovating the Tom-toms from the hex-bar - Nylon ball mount on the bass drums to separate tom stands and RIMS mounts, I had to deal with the problematic original hardware.
1st - get a hex key or a small 4" adjustable wrench for torquing. A tuning key won't cut it.
2nd - DOUBLE UP the back plates to give yourself extra strength on the mounts. This prevents the back plate from bending and the lug bolt threads from stripping. It takes a few seconds to properly thread the 2nd plate behind the first to ensure a perfect and even fit.
3rd - tighten the two bolts evenly every time!
Good luck!